Tired and rather bored.

I'm at home. I got done with a full day of work (time and a half though so it's all good) and now I'm tired and really wanna just relax. What I really want is to have a group of friends over and watch the Emperor's New Groove, about my favorite Disney comede. I hate watching movies by myself but I think I might end up doing that *sigh*. Such is life. I have to wait for a TV to get free though before I can even consider undertaking my plan. So, to kill time I'm surfing the next and updating my family's protection software.

I guess I haven't really been depressed as of late as much as I have been frusterated. I'm still frusterated over my broken friendship. I have a motto that I'm saying a couple of times a day now that I say. I could say it in here, but I won't. If you're really that interested, ask me and I'll tell you. It's not a very nice phrase (although it is not directed at anyone in particular) and so I just don't think that this is a very appropriate place to put it.

OK, I think that I'm gonna head out and do other stuff. If people could remember me in their prays, that would be awesome. Thank you all who read this. God bless.

Coffee Shop!!!!

Wow, It's my first time @ the Crossing since getting home. That's quite a feet considering how much I'm usually here when I'm home. It's been 2 weeks today since I got home and I must say that for the most part I'm surprised at how much time I have not had with work. 7 hours a day is actually quite a lot, I've found. Oh well, such is life. It's nice to actually have a decent internet connection but I'm sitting right under the AC and it's quite cold. I guess I could move, but those of you how know me know that I'm incredibly lazy and that would take to much work. Maybe I should have gotten a warm drink.

Onto life and not just the now (although the now is the major portion of life but there's only so much that can go on in the now). My sister graduates tomorrow! No longer will she be a high school student. I'll be going to college with her too! Now that should be interesting. Her open house was today but I couldn't go because I had to work. What else? Well, I just heard that there's gonna be a card game get together tonight that I can go to. Hurray!

Well, I think that's about all for now because I'm to tired to think about writing anything more. Take care and God bless.

First Wave of Summer Depression

So today I got my first wave of summer depression today. Just not being surrounded by my peers gives me way to much time to think back on how none of my relationships last and being even more depressed on how I've ruined some (one in particular) and how that really sucks and yadda, yadda, yadda. Same sorta thing I get depressed on every summer.

However, I didn't really have that much time to be depressed at work today. I was so busy. I was working as fast as I knew how and I was still behind. Now that's frusterating. Then I got home and was asked to go to work yet again. My goodness, I'm so tired. After that, I went to my sister's statement of faith and am finally home and ready to go to bed. Just thought I'd drop a post in here before I head off.

OK, I'm off to bed now. God bless anyone who still bothers to read this thing. Take care.

Stuff

So not a whole lot's been happening since I got home. I already said that I got a job as a cook, right? If I didn't before then I'm saying it now. It's a good job. I stick stuff in the oven and take it out pretty much. Oh, I also heat up soup and make noodles.

Hannah had a get together at her house Friday. It was quite fun but I had to leave earlier than I ever would have in the past due to the fact that I had work at 7 the next morning. We played some Frisbee and some Scatogries and ate some burgers and it was oh so fun. Got to see people who I probably won't be seeing for most of the summer since I'll be working and from what I hear a lot of people are going to be going to camps *sigh* the one year I don't.

Saturday I was able to leave work early to make it to my cousin Rustin's wedding. It was good but it also kinda sucked because I was reminded once again of failed romance. Romantic love sucks--at least for me. Such is life, I guess. Something else from the wedding was that I experienced once again what it's like to be younger. I'm the oldest in my family, my dad's the youngest in his so I'm one of the youngest cousins. It's kind of a weird feeling.

Well, I think that's just about all for now. I don't have work tomorrow so I decided to make a late night post and what not. For anyone that still reads this, Shalom.

First post since home

So I'm hoe now. I've been home since Saturday. However, being the lazy person that I am, I haven't bothered to post anything until now.

Finals week was ok. Kind of a bitter sweet time since I knew that it was really the last time that I'd be seeing those people pretty much forever. Such is life though. People come ad people go. Watched the second season of Kenshin. That was cool. Much more continuity than the first season and some amazing fights.

Now I'm home and I have a job lined up and everything. Gonna be a cook @ a local resteraunt. What's cool about it is the fact that I'll be off by early afternoon so I'll have the rest of the day to do whatever.

Well, I think that's just about all for now. I'll try to post somewhat regurally. God bless.

Good Evening/Morning

Today was my last Sunday ever here @ Spring Arbor as a student. I figured out today that my car gets about 34 miles to the gallon.

So that's really not the reason for this post though. This post is about this evening. I was in the libary with Josh and Jonathan and we had pretty much a mini-kitchen and coffee and fellowship and it was absolutely amazing. We were supposed to be writing papers and I did get a bit done but it was more the fellowship that was amazing than anything. I don't think I've had that much fun in quite a while. Then came about 2 AM when we were kicked out. I got back to my room at about 2:20 and realized that I wasn't tired in the least. So instead of trying to force myself to go to bed, I took a late night prayer walk to talk to God in a one on one type deal. I got a lot of praying done and God gave me a really cool view of relationships out of it as well and that's really the main reason I felt like posting tonight.

OK, here's the deal. Go through your life and pick out people that you're not sure you are on absolutely the best of term with. Now, imagine that they just died. Once you got over the initial grief and sorrow that said person just passed away, what would you feel? Would you feel that you did everything that you could to make that relationship good before they died or would you wish that you could have done something more? I'm not talking about changing things in the past, because that is impossible. What I'm talking about is if you would wish that you could have done something more to better that relationship before that person disappeared from your life forever. If you would have changed something, what's stopping you right now? Is your pride getting in the way? Are you afraid that it might be a little hard or difficult to talk to that person? Think about it, do those things really outweigh the fact that you really have absolutely no clue how much time you have with the people around you. It's not that there is not time like the present, it's that there's no time BUT the present.

I am by no means excempt from this. I fall just as short and probably shorting that a lot in putting these words into action. That does not make them any less true though. God, help us that we may wish to live with those around us how you wish to live with us.

Bubbles

Don't you hate it when you get a post with a happy name like bubbles and then it turns out to be about not happy stuff? If you don't, then this post is so for you. First off, I would like to say that I do love bubbles. I love to watch them and think they are incredible. However, there is something melancholy about bubbles as well. Every bubble I have ever blown has popped after nothing but a few seconds. No matter how many I blow, no matter if they're big or if they're small, they always pop.

Sometimes I feel like all I'm doing in life is continually blowing bubbles. It seems that no matter what I do, no matter how big or how small, no matter if I put lots of time and energy into blowing the bubble or not, it pops after merely a short while. Everything in my life seems temporal, nothing permanent. This is good is many ways, but at the same time is extremely depressing--especially with relationships. What does it matter how much time I put into relationships or whether I have friends or not when I'm just going to leave them after a year or two. My list of childhood friends that I still know is nonexistent. I have a total of 1 friend who I still stay in contact with somewhat from my middle school days. I have a few people from high school, but we're in different worlds now that we're all at different colleges. Worst of all, I know the same thing's going to happen when I leave Spring Arbor as well. I'm going to go and all the relationships that I made here are going to wither and fade and I hate that so much.

Not only am I losing school friends, but I don't have the comfort and support of camp this summer. This is going to be my first summer away from Bair Lake in about the past decade. My friends from Bair Lake are the people who I can say that I have really known the longest and I'm not going to have that. *pop* That one took a while, but it finally happened. The longest lasting bubble thus far in my life has popped.

This is just a bubble popping fest in my life right now I guess. I have a really big bubble pop earlier this semester, I'm having my school bubble pop, I'm having my camp bubble pop. Anyone else care to do some popping for me? It's open season on my life.

OK, now after my sympathy rant I will recognize that God is good. The creator of all is on my side and he will not ever pop on me. He is my guide and my strength. Without God's power I would be very, very depressed.


I don't propose that we preserve
All the world inside a fragile ball of glass
'Cause I'm the first to throw the curve
Bringin' all that perfect ball down in a crash
Oh, it's that feelin' comin' back again
Turnin' earth around and pounding sirens in my head
Well there's only one cure that I know for sure
And it goes on and on
It goes on and on
Chorus:
And when it all is said and done
Until the end
Yes, You're the only one
And when the world is in reverse
You're the Saviour of my universe
I don't suppose I'm prone to trouble
Though I always do the very best I can
My universe a leaky bubble
Pinned by a friend
And then only did it expand
Oh, it's that feelin' comin' back again
Turnin' earth around
And pounding sirens in my head
Well there's only one cure
That I know for sure
And it goes on and on
It goes on and on
--All Star United, Savior of my Universe

Not quite

So, about that euchre ban. Didn't happen. I played quite a bit of euchre today and am not done with my Power Point for tomorrow's poster session yet. That's ok because I'll just finish it tomorrow morning during work. I love my job at the help desk so much! I do nothing and they pay me.

My speech went well today. Luckily I got all the stuff done on time and what not (although I was a few minutes late showin up). It was a panel forum and I got to argue for the legalization of marijuana based on scientific grounds. In a nutshell my arguement was this: Marijuana is compairable in it's harm to alcohol or tobacco and neither of those are illegal. Therefore, marijuana should be legalized or we as a nation are enforcing a double standard. As I suspected, my partner and I got grilled by the class quite a bit more than the side that argued to keep marijuana illegal. It was quite a lot of fun stepping on some toes. What I believe personally may or may not be a different stance, but it was fun to see how reacted to the arguement I gave.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers [and sisters], whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Euchre is way to addicting

I have found that euchre online is by far my greatest time waster. It's like solitaire, but worse because it's with real people. Yet it is so easy to get to and most games are quick enough that you can convince yourself that there is enough time for just one more game (which turns into 2 or 3). In other words, I really did not get much school work done today. This is a bad thing and I am hereby banned from Yahoo euchre Friday so I can get stuff done.

To give you a very basic idea of how my day went, I listened to Son of Adam's "Your Friend Jessica" all the way through probably 2 or 3 times today. For those of you who are not familiar with that group, that is very unfortunate. I would tell you to check them out but they are no longer together. I'll let you borrow the CD before school's out of something. "Your Friend Jessica" has a lot of songs about broken relationships and I'm just kinda feeling the discintigration of a lot of relationships right now with the semester coming to a close. I listened to a lot of other stuff as well but that's what's really been stuck in my head the last couple of days.

Just imagine, in the blink of an eye is life will be over with. At that time, how I did on that test will not matter. Whether or not I did this or that will not matter. What will matter is the relationships that I formed here. The people that I was able to share my faith with, the people I was able to encourage, that is what will matter. I'm gonna be able to look back at all the things that I thought were so important and laugh at my absurdity. Not only that, relationships that may at this time seem somewhat awkward and slightly uncomfortable will not be. Our imperfection will be stripped away, leaving only the beings that God so loves and we will be able to love each other in that way as well, without discrimination. Now that is cool.

Philippians 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself.

Coming to a close

The school years coming to a close and I am frustrated. It is not finals or school work that frustrates me. Instead, it is relationships. Right now I feel like I have an unresolved relationship and I really don't know what to do. The worst part though is that I'm going to be leaving. The last couple of days in my devotions times I have been really convicted of this but I really don't know what to do. So this is a request to all my Christian friends who bother to read this, please pray for me. This is something that I feel that I need to take care of before I leave and I need God's help here so if you could join with me in prayer in this matter it would be much appreciated. Thank you.

In other news, the end of the semester is coming up and I've got projects I need to do. I found out today in physics though that I need not take the final if I'm satisfied with my current grade. He really shouldn't have told me that because now I'm really tempted not to take it *sigh*. I'm such a terrible student.

In other other news, the end of the semester is coming up and I've got socializing to do. My floor is holding a Super Smash Brothers tournament and I'm in it. Yesterday was round one and my partner and I were paired up against 2 people who had never even played before. My partner didn't end up showing up but that was still quite alright. I then had someone who was pretty new with me just as a bit of help. To say it was a slaughter would be an understatement. I almost felt bad for having any help. I didn't even die once the entire time! That's ok because this next round I am sure to be put in my place by arguably the best team in the competing. It's over.

OK, I've talked long enough and now I've got to go get started on the "other news" stuff. Later.

Matthew 5:23-24
If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled with your brother; then come and offer your gift.

Life not quite as normal

These last couple days I've been feeling quite strange and I'm not 100% sure why. It's almost like like a feeling of pointlessness, but not quite. It's not a depressed state. It's a meloncoliness of sorts. From all I've been able to gather, I think it is because I'm going to be having to make another group of friends and that is a very stressful thing to me. It seems like I can't go for more than a few years without completely switching up my friends, except for camp. Camp has always been the one thing is my life that has been consistant, but I'm not even doing that this summer (although I'm sure I'll be up there every now and again). Ahhhhhhhhhh!

This combined with just the general stress of the school year ending is putting me in a perpetual state of anxiety that I really wish would just stop, because if it doesn't, then I'm gonna end up making myself sick. I've got a whole lot more that I could say but I've got class in just a few minutes so I need to head out.

Ephesians 4:2-3
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

It's Time

It's time to update my blog again and let people know what's happening in my life.

In all actuality, there's not a whole lot going on in my life right about now. That's why you're not really seeing all that many updeates from me. It's mostly everday stuff and nothing major. The school year's coming to an end. This seems really good in a lot of ways but at the same time is quite sad because I'm not gonna be @ the arbor any more and I'm gonna miss all the friends that I've developed here over the past 2 years.

The end of the year bring more than just finals, though. This coming week there is a Super Smash Brothers Melee tournament going on and I'm excited about that. There is alse just a lot of stuff that seems to be going on, all says that the end is near and the moment needs to be exploited.

Well, I'm tired so I don't think I'm gonna try very had to type any more. I'm off to bed. Take care everyone and God Bless.