How does a relationship go from seemingly fine to crashing and burning in a matter of hours? How is it that 24 hours ago I was happy and fine and now I am in one of the absolute lowest moments of my life? How can a relationship go from forever to never again in less than a day? How can I move on?
I want to know. I need to know. I don't want to let it go but I must. I don't want to love anyone else but now I must not love her. How do I undo all that I have done? I don't know, I don't know.
Maybe if it wasn't all my fault, I could handle it. Maybe if it was something mutual, I could handle it. As it stands now, I feel like driving off into oblivion, never returning. Just leaving, forever. God, please help me. I don't know what to do.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Very, very bad day
The weekend at Karen's was incredible. She has such a great family. It was only the coming home part that will make my life suck for quite some time.
We broke up. Coming close to 2 monthes now and we broke up. This is without a doubt one of the greatest hurts that I have ever felt. You people that date constanly, I have no clue how you can do it. I have no clue how you can expose yourself to such hurt over and over again and just get right back up and get back into the game. I don't see how you can do it. I don't want to do it.
Can someone answer me a question? Why do I have to be such a moron? Why can't I just change into the man that I know that I need to be? Why do I have to have crap in my life that screws every other aspect of my life over? Why does life have to be so complicated in the first place? If anyone can answer those questions for me, I'm quite impressed. You should go into psycology or philolosophy or theology or something.
This last part is to Karen, everyone else can ignore it:
I love you. I don't want you to ever think otherwise. No matter what happens throughout the rest of our lives, I will always love you. I gave you more of me than anyone else I have ever known, and you hurt me more than anyone else ever could have. I forgive you though...I love you.
We broke up. Coming close to 2 monthes now and we broke up. This is without a doubt one of the greatest hurts that I have ever felt. You people that date constanly, I have no clue how you can do it. I have no clue how you can expose yourself to such hurt over and over again and just get right back up and get back into the game. I don't see how you can do it. I don't want to do it.
Can someone answer me a question? Why do I have to be such a moron? Why can't I just change into the man that I know that I need to be? Why do I have to have crap in my life that screws every other aspect of my life over? Why does life have to be so complicated in the first place? If anyone can answer those questions for me, I'm quite impressed. You should go into psycology or philolosophy or theology or something.
This last part is to Karen, everyone else can ignore it:
I love you. I don't want you to ever think otherwise. No matter what happens throughout the rest of our lives, I will always love you. I gave you more of me than anyone else I have ever known, and you hurt me more than anyone else ever could have. I forgive you though...I love you.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Score
Update on comment scores
Joona: 2
Rest of the universe: 0
Well, it's good to know that my life's somewhat interesting to someone :-D.
Joona: 2
Rest of the universe: 0
Well, it's good to know that my life's somewhat interesting to someone :-D.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Sick
And lo, it was not a good day for Peter. For today he had realized that he to could contract some weird sickness and feel like crap.
Yeah, I kinda wish I had classes tomorrow so I could skip them. As it stands, all I have is work and I do not plan on missing a chance to get paid. Speaking of payment, tomorrow's the monthly payday here at SAU. Finally, a bit of something for all the long, har...well, long at least, hours I've put in.
That's my talking for the day. Hope everyone's ya'll are feeling better than me right now!
Yeah, I kinda wish I had classes tomorrow so I could skip them. As it stands, all I have is work and I do not plan on missing a chance to get paid. Speaking of payment, tomorrow's the monthly payday here at SAU. Finally, a bit of something for all the long, har...well, long at least, hours I've put in.
That's my talking for the day. Hope everyone's ya'll are feeling better than me right now!
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Children of the light
"You are all sons and daughters of the light and sons and daughters of the day. We do not belong to the night of the darkness. So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet."
1 Thessalonians 5:5-8
This is a hard quite hard to live up to sometimes. Am I the only who sometimes feels more like a child of the dawn that a child of the day? There are times when the night just seems to over take my life. I know that I live in the day through Christ, but sometimes I just refuse to open my eyes.
Anyway, I just thought like giving a little bit of spiritual thought today. God bless.
1 Thessalonians 5:5-8
This is a hard quite hard to live up to sometimes. Am I the only who sometimes feels more like a child of the dawn that a child of the day? There are times when the night just seems to over take my life. I know that I live in the day through Christ, but sometimes I just refuse to open my eyes.
Anyway, I just thought like giving a little bit of spiritual thought today. God bless.
Monday, February 21, 2005
3 nights in a row!
This has gotta be almost a record for me or something. Posting 3 whole nights in a row. Sorry if you're looking for something profound tonight or anything. I really don't have much to say. Today wasn't really as good as yesterday, but I've had worse days.
I tried to watch the Animatrix on my computer tonight through my external firewire drive but for some reason it's not reading the disk fast enough or something. I'm really confused because I've watched movies through it before and not had problems. Maybe the laser's dirty or something. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to watch it some other time.
Hope everyone else's life is going good. Peace out
I tried to watch the Animatrix on my computer tonight through my external firewire drive but for some reason it's not reading the disk fast enough or something. I'm really confused because I've watched movies through it before and not had problems. Maybe the laser's dirty or something. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to watch it some other time.
Hope everyone else's life is going good. Peace out
Life
Today was really quite fun: lots of relaxation time, lots of Karen time, and little homework time.
Probably the coolest thing about today was dinner. A group of my friends and I went to dinner in the dining commons, realized it sucked and decided spur of the moment type that we were gonna go out to Applebees. There was almost no one at the restraunt. We were the only table that our waiter had so he even sat with us for a bit and just chilled. It was really cool because even though he was working and what not the waiter was about our age and just could hang out. He accidentally misquoted a price to us and then offered to pay the difference! Great guy and I would love to have him again if I ever went.
Other than that, today wasn't all that eventful. However, I did go to church alone today because Karen wasn't feeling well and then Michelle and Crystal just didn't go with my for some reason. I really don't know why but it was kinda frusterating. It's just that if people say that they're gonna come with me to something and then don't even get a hold of me to tell me no, it really kinda upsets me. I love those two but just was not cool *sigh*
OK, that's good for this post. I told you a good story, I ranted a bit, and now I think I'm done. Check y'all later.
Probably the coolest thing about today was dinner. A group of my friends and I went to dinner in the dining commons, realized it sucked and decided spur of the moment type that we were gonna go out to Applebees. There was almost no one at the restraunt. We were the only table that our waiter had so he even sat with us for a bit and just chilled. It was really cool because even though he was working and what not the waiter was about our age and just could hang out. He accidentally misquoted a price to us and then offered to pay the difference! Great guy and I would love to have him again if I ever went.
Other than that, today wasn't all that eventful. However, I did go to church alone today because Karen wasn't feeling well and then Michelle and Crystal just didn't go with my for some reason. I really don't know why but it was kinda frusterating. It's just that if people say that they're gonna come with me to something and then don't even get a hold of me to tell me no, it really kinda upsets me. I love those two but just was not cool *sigh*
OK, that's good for this post. I told you a good story, I ranted a bit, and now I think I'm done. Check y'all later.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Serious post
I'm actually thinking that I'm gonna use this blog as a journal as much as anything. I like the format so much more than online journal sites. Probably nothing way to personal but I'm looking for this thing to give a general overview of my life, inspired by the way my friend Ben uses his blog.
So, here goes the first entry about my life.
Yeah, I just realized that I'm way to lazy to think of anything profound right now so you're just gonna have to suck it up and deal with the fact that my life's really quite boring. Come back soon and maybe they'll be something here worth reading.
So, here goes the first entry about my life.
Yeah, I just realized that I'm way to lazy to think of anything profound right now so you're just gonna have to suck it up and deal with the fact that my life's really quite boring. Come back soon and maybe they'll be something here worth reading.
Free iPod!
I know that this is probably a terrible first post, but for anyone who's visiting this, it would be really cool if you could help me get a free iPod from freeiPods.com.
Here's the gig, you go to this link and fill out the stuff. You sign up for offer (some are even free!) and...that's it. I get 5 people to do this and I can get a free iPod. You can do the same. It's 100% legit and super cool, so let's all get some free stuff :-D. If you're not all up on the iPod, you can sign up for lots of other cool offers too.
Here's the gig, you go to this link and fill out the stuff. You sign up for offer (some are even free!) and...that's it. I get 5 people to do this and I can get a free iPod. You can do the same. It's 100% legit and super cool, so let's all get some free stuff :-D. If you're not all up on the iPod, you can sign up for lots of other cool offers too.
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