Life confuses me. All you who have been reading my blog with any regularity and have known me for a time probably know that my life right now is not very regular. Today is no different. I really wish that I could just live someone elses life or put my life on autorun while I take a vacation or something while everything in my life works itself out. I am still extremely confused and still extremely frusterated.

I am really fed up with the idea of romantic love. I know I kinda vented about this before, but I'm going to again. For all you people who romantic love has worked for, good for you. I really am happy for you. However, for me, I am just fed up with the problems that occur when romantic love goes bad and would perfer never to even take the chance again. The possablilty of having the whole more than friends thing work just does not seem worth the risk to me of ruining a just fine as friends relationship. If this means that I never get married, so be it. Singleness is not a curse! Singleness is as much of a blessing as marraige. I do not need someone of the opposite sex in my life to make me complete, I need God. I believe this goes for every person as well. For those of you who are in love, great. However, you should not be in a dependency relationship where you need the other person to make you complete. If that is your reason for being in a relationship then I believe that you will ultimely be disappointed. The person that you think you love is not perfect. They will fail you at one time or another, have no doubt of that. They will do something to degrade you instead of lift you up. There will be times that you do not feel complete with them. If you are depending on them for this feeling, you will be crushed when it is not there. Do not go into a relationship looking for perfection. Do not go into a relationship looking to be completed. If you must go into a romantic relationship, go with the intent of bettering not only yourself as well as the other person--not with the intent of completing yourself.

As long as I'm ranting about love, I might as well through in something else about it. It's not quite on the same aspect but this is my blog and I make the rules and if you don't like them then stop reading this. I think that there is a reason that there is only one word in the English language for love. I think that we do not truly understand love. I love math; I love my mom; I love my girlfriend (hypethetically); I love God. These all use the same word and yet the meanings are so drastically different. Why is this? I believe it is because we really don't know the difference all that well. Eskimos have over 100 different words for snow. Why? It's what they know. The Greeks had at least 4 different words for love. Why? They understood that there is more than one kind of it. I think it really says something when we only have one word for something like love. When I am told that I am loved by someone (especially a girl), how am I supposed to take that? Does she mean that she loves me the way I love my good friends, does she mean that she is infatuiated with me (aka romantic love), or does she mean that she truly loves me? I doubt she would even know unless she really took time to think about it. This frusterates me. We have a culture that uses love so loosely and I doubt that half the time we even know what we mean. This is extremely upsetting to me.

OK, I'm going to leave that last rant inconclusive. I have proposed a problem, but no solution. Why? Because I have absolutely no clue what to do about it and I just would rather complain then try to change anything. Why? because I'm tired. I'm tired of working at things. I'm tired of trying to do this or that and have no fruit from it. I'm tired and I just want to quit. I need a vacation from my life because right now I really just don't care.

Well, I've ranted enough. Once again, if this confuses, offends, or otherwise frusterates anyone reading it remember that you are not being forced to read it. If you are more comfortable knowing the Peter that you see around campus or run into every now and then else where or if you don't know or want to know me at all, fine. This is me. I make no excuses for who I am or what I think because it is me. You don't like it, leave.

I know it probably doesn't sound all that sincere afte that last paragraph, but God bless you guys. Thank you to those who really do care about my life. It really does mean a lot to me to know that people care enough to suffer through the reading of the crap I put in here to know me more.