Chemistry?

This week, I have had 2 professors ask me if I'm sure that Chemistry is really the right field for me. Not only that, they were both Chemistry professors. Am I missing something here? My entire college career, I've been going on the assumption that I will be a Chemistry major. I transferred schools to be a Chemistry major. Everything I have done since I have been in college has been under the assumption that I will be a Chemistry major. Now, the second semester of my senior year of college, when I'm supposed to be graduating, I am asked this question. The really bad thing is, I'm not sure.

To be honest, chemistry in not where my heart is. My heart is in mathematics. I chose chemistry because I thought it was a good place for me to apply my math skills without having to take up a job as an accountant or something like that. Theoretically, I'm only a few weeks away from graduating. However, I have thoroughly screwed myself to the point to where I may not be able to graduate with the Chemistry degree if I wanted to! I already have the math degree, I'm not really worried about that. I don't know what I want anymore.

I was talking with one of my profs and she threw out the suggestion that perhaps I want to think about it. Perhaps I do just want to drop Chemistry and go with math. I don't have to do it if I don't want to. I feel like if I do that though, I'm giving up. I feel like I threw a lot of money down the drain just to give up right before the finish line. On the other hand, I look at my classes and realize that I could start working full time and actually having more time.

Theoretically, if I were to drop chemistry and drop all the courses I didn't need, I would have a total of 1 night class this semester. That would be all I had to go to. True, I would no longer be full time and I would have to worry about scholarships and all that shit, but if I started working full time, I'd have enough to cover the difference in a month or 2. It's not like I ever really got around to filling out scholarship stuff anyways. It's all in loans, and I don't have to be in school to maintain those.

Bottom line here, I don't know what's going on right now. I might end up dropping something that I have put years into, just because I screwed myself if the end. Whatever happens, life will go on. Anyways, I hope everyone else is having a good life. I'm getting out of here. God bless.

--Simon Peter

Crazy

Going crazy (if I'm not already there). Bout of mild depression. Stress, self-loathing. I don't know. I hate life right now. I hate me right now. Hoping I get hit on the way to school tomorrow. I don't really want to die, just go comatose for a few months, wake up and have to go through a rehab before I can really do anything. Lose contact with everyone so I don't have to worry about them anymore. Go back to not knowing anyone and having my nose in a book every free minute. Get a job that doesn't involve thinking for 50 hours/week. Making enough to live on but not enough that I can take vacations. Vacations give me time not to be in mindless, monotonous routine and bring about questions that I would rather not answer. Maybe take up drugs so that my mind doesn't work properly. Anything has got to be better than the shit that I feel that I have no reason to feel right now. At least if I had a shitty life, I'd have reason to complain.

(FYI, I did not proofread this at all. It is all how it came out of my head and I'm leaving it that way. This is seriously have I'm feeling right now and I don't want to tone it down just because I'm scared that I'll make people worry about me. It's not like I have to worry about that anyways. Nobody reads this fucking thing (ok, there might be one, MAYBE 2 people other than myself))

Myers Briggs

Took the Myers Briggs again today. Came out an ISFJ. Did a bit of looking to try to get a good description and the very first site I found seemed to describe me VERY well. Those of you who know me, let me know what you think.

"

ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them; however, most ISFJs find more than enough with which to occupy themselves within the framework of a normal life. (Since ISFJs, like all SJs, are very much bound by the prevailing social conventions, their form of "service" is likely to exclude any elements of moral or political controversy; they specialize in the local, the personal, and the practical.)

ISFJs are often unappreciated, at work, home, and play. Ironically, because they prove over and over that they can be relied on for their loyalty and unstinting, high-quality work, those around them often take them for granted--even take advantage of them. Admittedly, the problem is sometimes aggravated by the ISFJs themselves; for instance, they are notoriously bad at delegating ("If you want it done right, do it yourself"). And although they're hurt by being treated like doormats, they are often unwilling to toot their own horns about their accomplishments because they feel that although they deserve more credit than they're getting, it's somehow wrong to want any sort of reward for doing work (which is supposed to be a virtue in itself). (And as low-profile Is, their actions don't call attention to themselves as with charismatic Es.) Because of all of this, ISFJs are often overworked, and as a result may suffer from psychosomatic illnesses.

In the workplace, ISFJs are methodical and accurate workers, often with very good memories and unexpected analytic abilities; they are also good with people in small-group or one-on-one situations because of their patient and genuinely sympathetic approach to dealing with others. ISFJs make pleasant and reliable co-workers and exemplary employees, but tend to be harried and uncomfortable in supervisory roles. They are capable of forming strong loyalties, but these are personal rather than institutional loyalties; if someone they've bonded with in this way leaves the company, the ISFJ will leave with them, if given the option. Traditional careers for an ISFJ include: teaching, social work, most religious work, nursing, medicine (general practice only), clerical and and secretarial work of any kind, and some kinds of administrative careers.

While their work ethic is high on the ISFJ priority list, their families are the centers of their lives. ISFJs are extremely warm and demonstrative within the family circle--and often possessive of their loved ones, as well. When these include Es who want to socialize with the rest of the world, or self-contained ITs, the ISFJ must learn to adjust to these behaviors and not interpret them as rejection. Being SJs, they place a strong emphasis on conventional behavior (although, unlike STJs, they are usually as concerned with being "nice" as with strict propriety); if any of their nearest and dearest depart from the straight-and-narrow, it causes the ISFJ major embarrassment: the closer the relationship and the more public the act, the more intense the embarrassment (a fact which many of their teenage children take gleeful advantage of). Over time, however, ISFJs usually mellow, and learn to regard the culprits as harmless eccentrics :-). Needless to say, ISFJs take infinite trouble over meals, gifts, celebrations, etc., for their loved ones--although strong Js may tend to focus more on what the recipient should want rather than what they do want.

Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however, run and get the nearest authority figure.) Unlike with EPs, the older the friendship is, the more an ISFJ will value it. One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. For instance, an ISFJ child may be reproved for "sulking," the actual cause of which is a combination of physical illness plus misguided "good manners." An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO into a fit of temper over the ISFJ's unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they "didn't want to burden anyone with." Those close to ISFJs should learn to watch for the warning signs in these situations and take the initiative themselves to uncover the problem."

http://www.typelogic.com/isfj.html

Brother Status

I have now reached brother status, the gay friend who happens to not be gay, the guy that can never have a chance romantically, but who still listens to all problems and gives advice and what not.

I seem to have this bad habit of being to good a friend to ever be anything more. I am not blaming this completely on the female sex. I know a lot of this is my fault as well. I didn't make any move...because I thought that it was to early. I still think that it is to early, but now any possible chance I had of anything romantic in the future is gone.

OK, that brings me to another thing. People need to learn to accept being single. Seriously, I know it's not easy, but when you NEED a significant other to fulfill yourself, that is not health. That is my opinion. If you feel that need, what you need is not a significant other, what you need is a good support group of friends. Is that easy to come by? No, it is not. At the same time, that group of friends will save you a lot of heartache and will help you get through the heartache you do experience. I hate to say this, but ofter friendships are stronger than romantic relationships. While you're in the relationship, you often ignore your friends. However, as soon as that ends, your friends are willing to except you back with open arms, sympathizing with you, offering comfort, even rejoicing with you when you find a NEW significant other, all with the full knowledge that they will be pushed to the side again...if you can't tell, I've been in this position before. That paragraph didn't really go where I was intending it to. I sorta got sidetracked with a rant. Anyways, my point is that friendships will outlast 90% of your romantic relationship and will give you the strength to handle being single. I do not think that jumping into another romantic relationship a week after your old one ended is healthy!

The thing that frustrates me even more is when people acknowledge this and still refuse to work on it. It does you no good to recognize that you have a problem if you do nothing to remedy it. Gah! OK, I think my ranting and rambling is sufficiently delinear. I'm outta here.

--Simon Peter

Currently, my favorite song from Project 86...

Out of the playground’s ashes
Come little men with little games
They’re playing war
They’re planning new crusades like new arcades
The reason for the season is to flood the media
With suicidal mania
And paint this landscape with this human waste

So lets all sing a song of love
Lets sing sing sing sing
Sing until our throats bleed

And if this child could sing he would say:
I don’t need anybody
I don’t need anyone
I don’t need your guidance home
Watch as I build my empire
Watch as I rise and fall
Watch as I fight all alone

History’s a stage for re-runs
For 3 A.M. insomniacs who quote the episodes
If tricycles came with guns we’d all be safe
Little green men didn’t come from outer space
With coupons in the Sunday Paper
They came from corporate brains

So until we all confess
And admit we stole the candy
These little men are playing games
From here to eternity
But I'll be sitting by myself here
Waiting oh so patiently
Waiting for the sky to fall
And purge frail humanity

Artist: Project 86
Album: Truthless Heroes
Song: Little Green Men


For some reason, the chorus is just great for relieving stress. It's strange, but wholesome.

"Watch as I build my empire
Watch as I rise and fall
Watch as I fight all alone"

Just yelling this at the top of my lungs really helps to cleanse the soul. Not sure why, but it does. lol

Anyways, just thought I'd share that fun bit of text. Off to relax a bit before hitting the sack. Tomorrow's the day I get to confront all the professors whos' classes I skipped yesterday. :-P

--Simon Peter

Disposable

I feel dejected. I feel hurt. I feel that no matter how good of a friend I am, that I can never be the person that you want. I feel like I'm used. I feel like a Kleenex. Sneeze into it, cry into it, and then throw it in the waste basket and more on.

Hurt? Of course I feel hurt. I feel as if I have poured myself out to help you, but in doing so I leave myself empty. Is it my fault? Yes, for doing so. Is it your fault? Yes, for letting me.

Used. I feel used. Worn. I feel worn. Trampled, stepped on, abused. Consciously? Perhaps not. It doesn't make it easier. I do this to myself. I set myself up for this.

Do you want to know why most men are assholes? It's really quite interesting. I thought about this tonight. The few that actually might be nice, get treated like trash. They get treated like they're disposable. So, in order to protect themselves, they don't allow themselves to feel. If they can reverse it, if they can view other people as disposable, then they are no longer disposable themselves.

I need to be needed. This is how I derive 90% of my self worth. There is no better way to ruin me, to crush my spirit, to destroy me, then to confide in me and then throw me to the wayside. I don't want to become an asshole. I want to be able to be a friend to those who need it. I feel like I need to though. I don't open myself up to many people, but when I do, it always seems I get hurt. Some might rather feel pain than nothing at all, but not me. I would rather feel nothing. I would rather be floating free in a sea of oblivion. Oh, for the day when I can truly detach from my emotions. When I can look down from about in logical clarity, analyzing these strange feelings, but never really feeling them.

I know I shouldn't be hurt. I know you owe me nothing. I know I gave my support willingly and I tried to expect nothing in return. I can't help myself though. I can't help it. Disposable is a good word. Yes, I feel disposable.

Complications

So...life is very complicated right now.

Note for all, nice guys finish last. Not only that, they get loads of sh*t dropped on them. Seriously, I think this is probably one of the most...interesting...situations I've been in for a LONG time.

Maybe in a few days, when a bit more of this stuff is sorted out, you'll see if up here. I don't know what the f*ck is going on right now. Actually, maybe I know to much. I'm torn by wishing that I knew nothing, and wishing I knew everything. I wish I could wash my hands of the whole situation, but it is quite literally impossible. I'm screwed, with no way out, with no way to possibly salvage.

--Simon Peter

Suck at life

Anyone wanna hear a story where I don't suck at life? Too bad, you're not going to hear it here, because I do.

"A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."
--DragonflyBlade21

F***ing A**, that is so my life right now.

Me thinks I'm dense

OK, so I just realized that I'm your typical guy. Some comments were made last night that went over my head and it's just now dawning on me what they were likely about.

Here's the back story. My friend Melissa recently broke up with her boyfriend...sorta. It's complicated. Anyways, during this break up...sorta. I've been hanging out with her, trying to be a good friend and what not. Last night, we went and saw the prestige (we were going to go karaoke, but that got nixed).


Melissa (early, before the movie and what not): If I wasn't so heartbroken over Paul right now, I could see myself dating you.


OK, I get this one. It's not to hard to see. She's going through a tough time and I'm there for her. Therefore, I get the "you're a nice guy, but there's no way it could work" talk. Not a problem. It's what came later that completely went over my head.


Melissa (after the movie, driving back): Paul and I met to early.

Melissa (few minutes later): Actually, it's very likely that I saw you at U of I, but just didn't notice you.


Am I reading to much into this? I doubt those are the exact words, but I remember being confused as to where the second comment came from? I hate romance. Melissa is an awesome girl, and I would LOVE to date her under different circumstances. If I were to try anything right now though, I would just be a substitute for Paul. *sigh* The biggest problem is, I really do like her. It's one of the hazards of being a friend to a member of the opposite sex (at least it has always been for me), especially when you are a confidant. Seriously, romance sucks...as does the lack there of.

Well, I should have been @ work 10 min ago and I'm still not dressed. Time for me to get out of here. God bless.

--Simon Peter

Be afraid. Be very afraid

For the last couple of years I have been growing out my hair so that I could chop it off and give it to locks of love. Tuesday evening at 10:30 PM, I finally did it. I chopped off all but a small portion of my hair, not bothering to notify anyone prior to my actions. I didn't stop there, though. No, I people might be shocked at the hair but I figured I could go one step better. I shaved off my beard as well. Now, I am a short haired man with no beard. Before, I was a long haired man with a full beard. Going to classes and work the next day provided many good reactions.

The first thing I got with many people was a double take. People that I have known for quite some time taking a good 5 seconds to recognize me as I stare right at them. Watching their facial expression as it goes from confusion to shock (and sometimes horror) upon recognition. One of the best was when Chip walked into the room. He did the double take and then let out a slight yelp as he realized who I was. Another good one was when I walked into choir and Crissy, after her 2x take, told me that I now look 1000x hotter. I guess that means I must have been REALLY ugly before...lol. However, the best one, the one that none of the others even come close to topping, was from my boss at Client Services, Patrinah. I walk into work with food like I usually do on Wensday. After about a minute, Patrinah storms out of her office with a scowl on her face. She as she looks at me her facial expression changes from a scowl to confusion. She blinks her eyes and shakes her head as if she's wondering what she is seeing is real. "Why?" is all she says. I explain it to her. Apparently, she thought that some random person walked into the help desk to eat lunch. She was coming out to inform me that I was NOT supposed to be there and that I needed to leave. By far the best reaction I have received. :-D

As for what the future holds, who knows? I need to get my hair out to Locks of Love still. I'm thinking I might grow my beard back, but not until I get a response from all those people I know. I still haven't seen a few of them. God bless. I'm outta here.

--Simon Peter

One of those days...

Ever had one of those days where the world just seems to be working against you? Today is that day, for me.

1) Started off with only getting about 4 hours of sleep. This is my fault, and I enjoyed staying up, but not a good way to start the day.

2) Even though I was staying up, I didn't manage to get my paper done that is due today. Again, my fault, but more than a little frusterating.

3) I tried making espresso at home only to realize that my beans were way to old. It tasted like shit.

4) I was late for my appointment to register for classes this morning. Look to 1), 2) and 3) for reasons.

5) Found out during class registration/senior audit that Spring Arbor did NOT wait until second semester grades were out before sending my transcript. I have an entire semester + J-term missing in my records.

6) Was not able to confirm that I will be being able to graduate. Instead, I now have to get in contact with the head of both the Math and Chemistry departments, as well as contact Spring Arbor and tell them to get their asses in gear and send a transcript with ALL my grades on it so I can graduate.

7) Went to buy espresso at the on campus coffee shot since my espresso at home tasted lie shit. Their espresso machine was broken. I had to settle for a coffee. If I wanted coffee, I would have made it myself. I wanted espresso.

8) I have an essay question to answer at noon. I was going to review a bit of that before my class, but forgot my book back at my apartment.

9) A while ago our ISP (more problems there that I won't get into right now) changed our IP adress. I had had the old one memorized so I could VNC back to my desktop whenever I needed to. I wrote down the new IP on a piece of paper this morning, only to forget it as well at the apartment as I rushed out the door to try to not be later than I already was to my appointment.


If I thought about it, I could probably come up with more. Those are the major issues off the top of my head though. It's not even 11 yet. I am not looking forward to this day.

A few good notes, however:

1) I realized that I don't need my government course. I wouldn't mind if the professor didn't have such a retarded test weighting. However, he does. I dropped it this morning.

2) The coffee was on the house. This is the 3rd on the house coffee I've had in a week's time: 2 from $tar and 1 from the place here on campus.

PS. Starbucks now has a new name, $tar. When spoken, it is "chingtar", sort for "'cha-ching'tar", a sinanim for "'dollar-sign'tar", otherwise written as "$tar". Go forth and spread the slang.

--Simon Peter

Between Life and the Lack there of...

I finally decided that maybe, just maybe, I'd try recording a few thoughts and sending them off into the wide world of the web in order to insure my future self to do something or another. Yeah, something noble like that.

Anyways, it's currently 10 PM on a Wednesday evening. Do you know where your kids are? Well, if you're my mom, you would probably not realize that your eldest son is at this very moment sitting at his computer and creating a blog entry. In the next few moments, he is going to go get his last Killians from the fridge, and drink it while writing his blog entry...brb

And I'm back. Anyways, this is the way my life has been going down. I've been living this semester off campus with a couple of guys in an apartment. It's not bad, living with Mark and Scott. They both have their good points and their bad points. Probably one of the hardest points though is that neither one of them are really Christian...ok, Mark claims to be, but he is truly the definition of a Sunday Christian (and he will be the first to admit that. I've heard him). Not to place the blame on them (it really is my own fault), but working up the motivation to go to church has not been easy...I think I've gone twice since the semester started. Not what I'd call a good track record. So, if you haven't guessed, my spiritual life is not really where it should be right now.

School's going about as well as school can be expected to go given the fact that I'm a horrible student who hates to do homework and always procrastinates until the very last minute on everything. I'm currently in some fun classes. Retaking Real Analysis because when I took it at SAU, it was only worth 2 credit hours (instead of the 3 here) and I don't really feel like I learned the material as well as I should have. Taking Quantum Mechanics, Scientific Computing II, General Bio (w00t freshman *sigh*), choir and American Government (which I just realized today that I really didn't have to take. That does not make me happy) and doing fairly well in all of them. I'm really not to worried about it.

What I'm worried about is the fact that I'm supposed to write a couple of fairly large research papers. Research papers are the bane of my existence. I despise writing papers to the very core of my being--along with a couple of other things like the Matrix reloaded. I really should get started on those but...once again, I'm a horrible student.

I've acquired a couple more computers over the summer and this semester so far. I now have 4 working P2s, 1 sorta working P1, 1 working AMD 900 Mhz, 1 not so working P2 and one not so working P1; along with enough spare parts to feed an army of silicon eating soldiers. Currently, 2 of my computers are being used by my family since their family machine broke and I supplied my brothers with a "gaming" computer. (It runs old games and a SNES emulator. That's about all.) I'm such a good son/brother.

Relationships...yeah, not so much. At least not in the romance category. Plenty of friends. I've actually got a fairly active social life this year. I play DnD (or variants) a couple of times a week and have been going out with a friend to the BWW downtown since before the begin of the semester. Also, I've been to a few parties. It's been pretty good socially this semester. Now, romance, that's where I've got nothing. Ah well. It'll most likely happen sometime. Until then, I just need to chill and let things be. Romance is really not something I really want to force...Although it probably wouldn't hurt for me to at least nudge it...*sigh*

On to better topics...I think I've more or less exhausted the basics of my life at the moment. I'm heading out. Gonna go pretend to do homework or something like that. Maybe write a letter I've been meaning to write for a couple of weeks now. I seem to be in the writing mood. Anyways, later anyone who may happen to stumble across this. Take care and God bless.

--Simon Peter

LAN this weekend

Among other things I have going on right now, I have a LAN back home this weekend. I'm going to bring my friends Brad and Mark from down here at the University of Indianapolis with me. It should be quite interesting. It is going to be the first time I'll be mixing niche friends in quite a while.

Another reason the party should be interesting, I got 4 hours of sleep last night and not much more the night before. Yeah, I'm going to be living on caffeine. Why did I get so little sleep last night you may ask. Well, I'll tell you. I went out with a group of friends and saw the midnight showing of the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Didn't get back until after 3 and I had to be at 8 in the morning. I'm thinking I'm going to try to sneak in a nap before I leave. I'll leave work a bit earlier than I planned on and just rest for a bit before I get everything around to go home.

Speaking of things to get ready before going home, I think I'm finally going to get my oil changed before we head off. It's been WAY to long since I did that last and I really do want my car to last if at all possible. If my car died, I might cry.

Let's see, what else was a I going to talk about? I really can't remember, but I do remember that I had a whole list of things and now I can't think of any of it. *sigh* oh well. Anyways, I'm out. Blessings.

Me? Social?

Stranger things have happened, but I can't think of any off the top of my head. I have actually been social lately. Speciacally, this weekend. I went out with a friend Thursday even and a few drinks, went out with a larger group last night (Friday, had a few more drinks), going over to another friends house tonight (Saturday, doubt there will be any drinking) and I'm going to a party Monday (definitely alcohol involved ;-D lol)! Not only that, I've actually had to TURN DOWN a few social events that I was invited to because I already had plans! Seriously, what the crap is up with this? I don't mind having things to do, but why is that now with nearly everyone gone for the summer from campus, I actually have a social life whereas during the semester (when there were actually people around) I didn't do jack? I must confess that I am slightly confused.

Yeah...about those updates

So the frequent updates that I say I'm gonna do everything I update this still aren't happening. Oh well. It's not like anyone ever reads this thing anyways. :-P

Anyways, here's a basic overview of what's going on and been happening in my life. It's gonna be quite short and all because there is no way that I could tell everything and get done and, well, I'm just lazy. First off, school's out. It's been out for a couple of weeks already. However, this does not mean that I'm back in Goshen. I'm staying on at the computer help desk over the summer here on campus. It's quite a nice deal, actually. They're paying for me to stay on campus and as of now I have an entire suite style room to myself. The ridiculous part is that they have about 6 people working for what could easily be a 3 person job. *Sigh* free money I guess, but it's really kind of sad that I just sit around for 8 hours a day and every once in a while actually get some work to do.

Lots of other stuff going on, but right now I'm really not feeling like writing. I'm doing this to satisfy that small part of me that says that I should at least write something every once in a while. lol. Hey, if anyone out there knows a grad school with a good Chemistry masters/PhD program, could you please let me know? I really need to start hunting for one.

PS. If I don't start updating this semiregurally, anyone who reads this has my expressed permission to beat me bloody the next time you see me.

I miss Spring Arbo

Well, it's getting close to the end of my junior year and my first year at the Unversity of Indianapolis and I realize that I still miss Spring Arbor. Not that Uindy isn't a good school. There are some good people here and it's nice to actually be close to a city. However, socially and spiritually, they can't even begin to compare. Along with missing the social life in general, I miss the specific people as well. I got to talk to Crystal online for a while last night and started to feel really nastalgic.

I also miss Ormston. Not even so much living in Ormston, but just knowing that there exists a place like Ormston. The dorm were punk rockers, geeks and nerds all came together in one crazy place. Playing assassin, Porchfest and just the general craziness of it. I don't think that there's any place like that here. There's just no campus life it seems. Technically, I think that there's more campus wide events that go on here. I just don't feel connected to them at all. Perhaps it's just me, but there doesn't seem to be much community here. I miss Spring Arbor with it's community and I miss Ormston with its insanity.

I also miss the spiritual life. I know that it's not the job of the school to make sure that my spiritual life is doing well, and I know that you can begin to become stagnant and fall away at Spring Arbor as well. However, it is much easier to get yourself up to go to church in the morning when 90% of the rest of the campus does as well. It's a lot easier to know what church to bother going to when there are 30 other kids from school that go to the same church. Here, I feel like I don't have any clue what church to go to and since I don't know what church I want to go to or where I would fit in, it's near impossible to get myself up on a Sunday morning in order to go to a church.

Perhaps most of all is that I miss the specific people: Crystal, Josh (even though he's not going there anymore), Janet, Rachel, my B2 brethen, my O4 ontorage, yes, I even miss Karen. I miss playing poker with Eric and Wooster. I miss playing Halo 2 with Kevin and Nate and all those guys (there is no way you just make that shot!). I miss ultimate frisbee and late night runs to Steak and Shake. I miss all the friends that I got to know and love at Spring Arbor, and I never want to stop missing them.

I feel a bit better now. I'm going to get back to school here at Indianapolis and have a good time. Hopefully, I will get to the point where I really do feel comfortable down here. We shall see. I'll post again in hopefully the not to distant future. God bless.